What was THAT?

The Oscar show was terrible. Just terrible. I'm an awards nut, so I still enjoy seeing who wins, hearing the speech, in other words, the boring stuff for most people. So I'll never stop watching the awards.

But what other reason was there to watch this year? A bullying host? A celebration of Chicago?

And let's start with Chicago. The show made it out like some great landmark film. Wrong. Really, the landmark musical was the year before: Moulin Rouge. But since the Academy missed its chance to reward Moulin Rouge, Chicago was in the right place at the right time. That's it. Not a film that begged for a number (lip synced at that) and a reunion.

Put it this way: here's a (partial) list of films in 2002 that I would have given a best picture vote over Chicago: Gangs of New York, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The Pianist, About Schmidt, Adaptation, The Quiet American, Far From Heaven, Catch Me if You Can, Talk to Her, Y Tu Mama Tambien, About a Boy, Spider-Man, Minority Report, Bowling for Columbine, Spellbound, Hero, Spirited Away, Lilo and Stitch, and Treasure Planet. And that's just from the list of Oscar nominated films that year.

Here"s a list of films influenced by Chicago: Nine. Which might be the only unwatchable movie starring Daniel Day-Lewis.

So we waste time on a ten year old film which of course, was executive produced by this show's producers. Then another number with Jennifer Hudson, while well performed, also had nothing to do with this year, although it did feature a star from Smash, which is produced by, what do ya know! the producers of this year's Oscar show.

For this I had to stay up to midnight.

We also got a Bond "tribute" with a song out of nowhere and a really terribly edited montage. This is the Oscars, people. That's not good enough.

Then there's the opening. Seventeen stupid minutes of me yelling at the screen, "Get to a Supporting award already!" Here's the problem: the opening is supposed to celebrate the wonder of movies. This celebrated how much better than critics Seth McFarlane thinks he is. With all the smarm he could manufacture.

Seth has made a whole career out of being inappropriate. He's done very well despite having nowhere near the talent of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, who is clearly who he wants to be. But it isn't the right humor for an awards show. It comes across as cruel and mean.

(And speaking of cruel and mean, playing off speeches with the Jaws theme, came across as a way to say, "You're little people. We don't care about you." Give the special effects wizards an extra 10 seconds, guys.)

Which brings me to "We Saw Your Boobs". Yes, let's celebrate the attitudes which have women being treated like pieces of meat . But here's the thing: the biggest boob I saw Sunday night was on the stage singing the song.