Nine (2009)

Towards the end of the credits of Nine, there is actually a credit announcing Fiat, Alfa Romeo, and some other fancy car I'll never drive as the official cars of Nine. That was immediately after a credit declaring the official watch of Nine.

Sadly, that's what at the heart and soul of Nine. It was coldly calculated to win awards, and does not have any apparent reason for being. It would be easy to blame director Rob Marshall (Chicago), but the problems lie deeper than that. It's not directed particularly well, but even if it was, I don't think the film would have worked anyway.

Your musical is in trouble when its score is forgettable. I've not seen Nine on the stage, but I imagine some of spectacle comes across better live, and overcomes the music, which just doesn't connect in the head.

Another big problem is the way the numbers are put together. The camera hurls around constantly and there are quick cuts galore, making it far too much work to follow. It wasn't quite Michael Bay: the musical, but it was way too close to that.

Making matters worse is the structure of the film. Basically, the film consists of the main character, a great film director, unable to decide what he wants to make. The film cuts from his life problems making his movie, to the fantasy musical world, and often cuts back to the real world in the middle of the numbers. If the frantic editing wasn't making the numbers weak enough, the crosscutting is maddening.

The cast is uniformly good. They are giving their all, and all are in good voice. But with the maddening technique, the mediocre music, and poor editing, I found myself being pushed away from the film. Even when there were moments to admire, I just didn't care what happened by the end of the film.

And I felt the gears moving. Too many times it really felt like this was supposed to be Chicago, part 2. Problem is, since that overrated film, we have seen many musicals better than Chicago, let alone Nine. Let me put it this way: Nine is just good enough to make me curious to see it on the stage, because with all its success, it had to be better than this. Grade: D+